Mighty Audi Q7 V12 TDI

What is it?

We're not really sure how to describe the Q7 V12 TDI. A big part of us likes the fact that Audi has squeezed the sort of motor that could power a supertanker into the Q7, but there's another part that thinks Audi really should be doing more constructive things with its time. Audi UK reckons it'll only sell 40-50 Q7 V12 TDIs and we're pretty daft for our madcap SUVs - despite the media sponsored backlash. It's likely to go down well in the Arab states too, where silly power is the norm and fuel - whether it be petrol or diesel - is cheaper than water. With a price tag of £96,295 (yes, you read that correctly), the Q7 V12 TDI is one very expensive Audi.

Is it any good?

There's a moment when you first push the accelerator to the floor and the Q7 lunges forward that you can't help but want one. That's hardly surprising though; the Q7 V12 TDI is fast, as you might expect from something with a 493bhp, 738lb.ft, 6.0-litre V12 heart. Sixty-two mph arrives in just 5.5 seconds, which given the sheer scale and bulk of the Q7 is pretty extraordinary. What isn't is the racket that accompanies the ridiculous pace. The V12 TDI has been criticised in its racing installation as being too quiet, but that is certainly not an accusation that can be levelled at the unit here. Big powerful engines normally make big powerful noises and the V12 certainly makes a noise, just not one you'll enjoy. There's a boomy resonance that's more industrial generator engine than £100k flagship SUV.

You might forgive it that if the Q7 made up for its lack of aural appeal in other areas, but it doesn't. Push that accelerator and it rears up on its suspension: body control is poor. There's no feel from the weighty steering and for all of the mighty grunt of the engine it runs out of puff very quickly indeed. Audi does fantastic interiors, but for a few pounds short of £100,000 we'd like it to feel a bit more exclusive too.

Should I call the bank manager?

Calling the bank manager to ask for £100,000 to buy a SUV is likely to result in a muted response. Or laughter. The Q7 is insanely expensive, especially when compared to its 4.2-litre V8 TDI relative. Not only is that a much better car (which is only one second slower to 62mph), it is also half the price. Audi reckons that the Q7 V12 TDI's economy and emissions figures are worth mentioning, the Q7 able to return 25mpg on the official combined cycle and emitting 298g/km of CO₂. That is admittedly impressive given the performance on offer, but it's hardly justification.

Summary

Audi is rightfully proud of its turbodiesel technology, but the Q7 V12 TDI isn't perhaps the best way to demonstrate it. Only a handful will ever be sold, which, with that gargantuan price tag, is hardly surprising. A 4.2-litre TDI Q7 is a far better proposition and would leave you enough change to have either an S5 or 3.0TDI quattro A8 with the change. But if you're earning £120,000 a week for kicking a ball or for crippling the banks by short-selling shares in the City then the price tag is incidental. Even so it's not good enough to justify it.

Kyle Fortune